Words I like.
words that I think are fun to say:
Quadrant
Strangle (One word I'd love to use on a certian brother at times...:K)
Smock
Quip
Supercalafragilisticexpealadotious (Yes, I actually say that. A lot.)
Mustard
Nyah
Idiot (Flippin' idiot!)
Quadruple
Imbecile
Cow (Moooo...)
Scream
I'm so angry
So tense
So upset
I know You're there,
But why can't I find You?
Do You deliberately
Hide?
I'm so tired
And yet I can't sleep
Please,
I beg you!
I need You.
I need to find You.
I'm groping around in the dark
Reaching, searching,
In an endless room
I need to feel Your warm touch
Your tireless love
Your matchless peace
So much.
So please,
If You won't let me find You,
Please, find me.
Another lame post. Oh wait....
Hey all my loyal blog-readers (What a nice way to start a post. _Not_.).
Hope Life's treating you okay.
I've been thinking a /lot/ about spiritual matters (Go me!) lately, and I've decided that I could be so much more mature than I am. I mean, it's not like I'm at level one, but I'm certinally not anywhere above level two!
I think that a good first step would be to talk with God more. David taught on that a long time ago. He told us about how imortant it was to just get out, shut up, and listen for once.
Well, I've tried that countless times for countless hours. Only one problem, I have /no/ idea of what I'm listening for! One morning I got up at 6:50 (That time should mean something to you people that were in the same cabin as me at Camp) and went out, way down into my woods to sit and listen. I must have sat there for an hour, and guess what I heard! Zip. Zilch. Nada. You get the point.
I got up early at Camp, to sit and read my Bible and things. Guess what I heard, that entire week? I don't think I need to answer that.
What the crud am I supposed to be listening for?????I've tried it in my spare minutes, too. I ask questions, make statements, and sure I get answers and conversations, but ten to one that's my own brain talking to me. It does that a /lot/.
The question is, even if that /is/ God having a casual convo with me, how am I supposed to tell the difference between my own (oOber imaginative) brain, and God?
I have no answer. I wish I had someone besides my parents to talk to. Some adult who'd understand. I have plenty of them, but I'd be
/way/ too shy to go up to, say, Leslie and be all like, "Hi Leslie! Can you tell me how to tell if I'm talking to God or to my mind?" The question hardly makes sense to me, how could I _possibly_ explain it to someone I hardly know (Just because I spent 5 days in a cabin with her doesn't mean I know her well. I don't even know what color her cat is. Sheesh. I do know (Or think I know) what his name is, though, I think it's Mr. Leo. I'm not sure though. Wow, listen to me ramble.)
Passing up my pointless paragraph there (I do seem to have a lot of those), I think you get my point. I need to ask some questions, and I want answers.
Happiness is...
A bright dandelipn in a sea of dirt
A horse's welcoming nicker
Talking for hours on the phone with a friend
Tackling a person, and having a mock fight
The smell of warm, content horse
Being bored, then suddenly seeing a friend
Reading a good book
Eating a never-ending supply of chocolate
Giving
A lunch invitation on a boring day
An email from a friend
A letter from a friend
M&Ms
Seeing your friend's name on cell phone's caller ID
An unexpected email from somone you were hoping would email you
A good gallop on a breezy day
Baking out under the spring sun
Swimming
Bumping into someone you love (Not literally...)
Complete silence
Your favorite song on the radio
An unexpectedly cuddly horse (THAT never happens!)
Sharing a bag of Twizzlers while watching an action movie
Seeing a new post on a friend's blog
Laughing at an inside joke with a friend
Looking through a Camp photo album
Worshipping (God, hopefully....)
Dancing to your favorite songs with a friend
Screaming lyrics of your favorite CD while driving
Having your window open on the highway
A surprise birthday party
A package in the mail you weren't expecting
Writing a poem or story
window-shopping at the mall with your best friend
Sharing an ice-cream cone
A Rice Krispies Treat
A love letter
A love letter
My son, how I do love You.
I watch as your tiny, helpless form shivers in the cold. I see as Your delicate fingers grasp nothingness, then discover Your tiny mouth. I smile as you contentedly suck your fist, and then slowly doze off. My Angels all giggle as You smile Your first smile, the innocent, precious smile only an infant can muster. Heaven gazes on as Your mother holds you close. Our hearts beat as one.
My precious Son, welcome to one of My finer creations.
My son, how I do love you.
My eyes light with delight as Your chubby, two-year-old body takes its first steps. The hosts of Heaven wince as You also take Your first fall. You sniff, but are so determined! My angels cheer You on as You climb back onto your feet and toddle, partially crawling, partially running, back over to Your mother for praise. Soon, You're up again and exploring Your small house. You discover that wooden spoons and clay pots make a delightful sound, and that doggies don't. All of Heaven laughs as the puppy barks, putting a surprised expression on Your face, as You fall backwards onto Your plump bottom. Your father smiles as he sets You back up and chases the dog out of the kitchen.
My curious Son, welcome to Your new world.
My Son, how I do love You.
How You blush when the girl across the street smiles at you! You grin back the impish smile of a teenager, and rush back into the house with the potatoes. Immediately, You rush into the wash room to scrub Your face /again/. You sigh and prod those stubborn pimples. Angels smile as You do. You're growing up rather handsome. You run back into the kitchen to help Your mother peel the potatoes.
My self-conscious Son, welcome to the world of Love.
Just in case you were wondering, the girl across the street thought You were cute.
My Son, how I do love You.
You grow up so fast! My angels all nod with understanding as You tell yet another parable. I hear You talking to Me, asking Me to bless the food. I do. You smile as you tell Your followers to hand out the bread and fish. The hosts of Heaven's mouths grow wide as yet another person is served. They groan as, later, Peter nearly drowns, the silly man. He had yet to learn what "Faith" is.
My loving Son, thank You for helping make Me clear to My world.
My Son, how I do love You.
Heaven watches in indescribable sadness as we watch Your last days unfold. We hang our heads at the selfish betrayal of Judas, and there is audible crying across Heaven as You are tortured unmercifully. We all behold as You drag Your own cross to Your execution place, and labor with You as You struggle to breathe. Heaven covers its eyes as the nails are driven, as if watching a terribly sad horror movie. Then, finally, there is the sad, terrible silence that only comes when you have cried all you can and there is nothing left to do but sit and watch. For eight hours, we watch.
Then, finally, on the strike of the ninth, You cry out to Me. "My beloved Father, why did You abandon me? Then all of Earth shakes as You speak Your final words. "My Father, My Love, I give You My spirit."
At the final, rasping breath, My Hosts, My angels, my guardians, and Myself all turn our heads. We cannot bear to see the filth.
All of the land is eerily quiet, as if realizing and mourning its terrible, terrible loss.
Yes, I wrote this myself. It'sbad but still no sticky fingers. ILU Jesus! Thank you for everything (and more, much more!) above and below. You rock. XD
This one's for you, Stephanie.
This one's for you, Stephanie. I love you!
Everyone else, ether go away now or don't ask me, because it's so weird you'd just implode. Seriously.
LIGHTBULB!!!!
And for anyone who's gonne be like, ONG UR PSTNG PIX UV JONATHN ON TE INTURNIT, you shut up and remember that this pic is on Calvarynow.
I'm just kidding, you idiots. if you took that seriously, you really need to 1) stay away for me or 2) get counseling.
You'll have to highlight up there above the pic of Jonathan to read the text. Something is crud with the text and you can only see it after you've highlighted it once then clicked it off. Go figure.
(it's an "inside joke". And a very weird one at that.)
Another poem. This one is actually good, because I didn't write it. xD
I am busy, Jesus,
ever faster screeching round and round--
You lie calmly in the manger,
Joseph's patient voice the only sound.
I am selfish, Jesus,
grasping, pulling inward, curved in tight--
You stoop lower, ever lower
mixing spittle for a poor man's eyesight.
I am sated, Jesus,
stuffed so full I've almost lost my breath--
You are rasping, breathing labored,
stumbling naked, famished to Your death.
I am tired, Jesus,
numb and finished, callous and distressed--
You stand wounded, weeping, dying,
quickened; calling, "Come to Me and rest."
Brr...I love that poem. To quote Jonathan: "I wish I'd written that." WOW, look at my awesome quote. I couldn't tell you what Lelsie spoke on for an hour last week (Yes, I could. I could give you a two-hour summary of it, as well as how many times she blinks per minute [28], how tall she is to the centimeter[6'1'05], what her favorite kind of gum is[Bubblicious watermelon-strawberry], and how long to the minute she's been married[at the moment, 4 years, 267 days, 16 hours, and 3 minutes]. Ha. Just kidding. I made it all up. Madejah look.), but I can recall precisely what Jonathan said in passing, not even to me.
WOW!!!! Look at my incredibly long, completely pointless paragraph! Yay!
Yea...well. My point is, I wash I'd written that poem. In fact, I will. Right now, I'm going to re-write it, probably wiht 90% the same words, but so it applies to me. :D
I am so busy, Jesus,
Horses to ride and homework to do--
You lie sleeping in some hay,
the only sound around, crickets.
I am so selfish, Jesus,
I want my own time, my own version.
You cry silently, wincing
at the pain, endured for me
I am so complacent,* Jesus,
Everything I do, perfectly fine.
You are rasping, aching, gasping,
stumbling naked, mocked form all sides.
I am so exausted, Jesus.
Tired of being out by myself.
I don't want it anymore. I'm so sorry
for making You hurt,
but could You just take me in?
You stand, wounded, bleeding
Weeping, calling, "My child,
I have been waiting for you."
And then, with arms streched out,
to show me that You'll accept me,
Died.
Hmmm.....somehow, I like the original version. I wonder why? xD
*Yes! Jonathan, be proud of me. I used your favorite word, complacent. I also looked up the defenition (I'm so happy. It means precisely what I thought it did. xD):
"contented to a fault with oneself or one's actions; 'he had become complacent after years of success'; 'his self-satisfied dignity'"
There. For all of you who have heard Jonathan's occasional before-or-after-singing (For lack of a better word, I'll use "lectures." However, they aren't boring, annoying, or even disliked. Lecture isn't always a bad thing.) lectures, and have gone "What the heck is a Ku...Cu...
complacent?, now you know. Happy?
(Actually, it's not really that hard to guess. Nearly anybody with an I.Q. above 1 could get Jonathan's lectures. I'm just proud of myself for using my new word. -shiny lights and tinking sounds appear all around-)
Soon
Soon
Your heart will be broken
Your love stolen
Your innocence taken
Soon
You will realise the dark side
You will have to decide
Which way to turn
Alone.
Soon
You must hurt
Must feel pain, deep inside
Pain no one can remedy
Nothing can remedy
Soon,
You will feel love
Only to have it ripped away from you
Leaving you to bleed
The blood of sorrow.
Soon
You will go out alone
Into a dark and lonely world
A brigh light in a universe of dimming ones
Dark ones
Black ones.
But until then,
Let us be joyful
Let us forget the future
But know the future is held
In hands bigger than our own
For soon,
You will feel
So alone.
Eternally
I hear you calling
I feel your voice
Love impaled
Hope banished
From these depths
These dark, soulless
Depths
If you fall,
There is no return.
You fall forever
Can you feel the hate?
It is rushing at you
Threataning
And sinister
I feel the power
Deep inside
I feel it shudder with no movement
Feel it scream without a sound
Power, yes, power
But power to make you weak
To make you helpless
To kill
For if accepted,
This power,
You will live forever
But die
Eternally.
