Lūcēbint tū domus ducō

...no.

You all will (or should, anyway) know that I volunteered to work in Elevate on some Sundays.

Well, today was my first day. Let me first say, I tried. I really did.
Apparently and unfortunately, they no longer have tripod cameras, they're all mobile ones. Ashley was using the vest-camera
(don't feel like explaining it. Ask Stephanie. sasifrass.blogspot.com)
The first two songs I couldn't hold still. I don't know exactly why but I was shaking so hard. I felt like I was gonna puke. it was awful and I did terribly.
Poor Stephanie (My kinda boss, lol. Diffrent one from ^that one.) was trying to be nice and sweet but I bet she was irritated at me.
It was LOUD up front, with drums and three guitars, I had a lot of trouble hearing through the headset. I occasionally heard "Katy, Sweetie" and "Zoom in" or "pull out!!" or "Drums!" or "Close on Jonathan!!" so i did it, but shakily and I bet the audience was getting motion sick from all the movement my camera was doing.
After the sermon I had calmed down a bit and did a tiny (Read about two atom-width, tiny) better, I hope.

Afterwards they'd a tech-team lunch-thingie (Fried chicken, the only thing right next to the Bible in the line of importance for Baptists), then we went home, I beaded, took a short nap (Acting like an idiot and failing miserably takes a lot out of you), and went back to church for choir.
it was okay, no one was focused (Albiet the sopranos, can't say for the guys and altos), and our teacher was kinda irritated.

Then-wonder of wonders- Stephaine (My boss, not the other one) was at Mum and Dad's sign class. They stayed and talked for along time afterwards, and when we finally left Mom have me the beads I'd brought land left on a chair. Apparently she'd seen 'em on her way out and been all like "There's my daughter for you!" in a joking way and she said Stephanie said something along the lines of "Yeah, I noticed that tendancy this morning." When mom said that, the rest of my evening was ruined. I could have dealt with being awful this morning and being an embarrasment to the whole of Elevate, but to know that Stephanie really thinks I'm fluttery-minded (Absent minded, out of my mind, careless, insert your favourite word here) is more than I can bear.
I told Flash all about it a few minutes ago. he just kept eating. Then I sat on the hay bales to let my face and eyes dry.

Where was God, my "solid rock" when I was shaking and wobbling and making a fool of myself this morning?
Where was God, who's supposed to "wipe away all of tears" when I was sitting on Flash's back only a few minutes ago, crying like a blubbering idiot?
Jeremiah 29:13-14 "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

I've looked everywhere and tried everything, but where is God?
Can you tell me?

posted by Kathryn at 4/09/2006 10:57:00 PM